


I'm Not Leaving You (I Promise)

by ziamxo



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Heartbroken Liam, M/M, Memories, OT4, headcannon, or liam centered love, promises weren't made to be broken, zayn's leave
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 14:53:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4923841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ziamxo/pseuds/ziamxo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love is war and war is love. </p><p>Or the one where Zayn decides to leave the band and Liam has that promise embedded in his heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Not Leaving You (I Promise)

**Author's Note:**

> So, initially I was planning on posting this at three AM because my dash was filled with Ziam sadness and I got inspired listening to [this song](https://youtu.be/EZf-NwQFQEA) (which you should listen to while reading, hint hint) but I was a mess and decided to actually go through editing this out, so, I hope there aren't many errors. Obviously, not everything I've written here correlates to real life events (like the song that it's based on) but this is just my intake of life and, plus, I wanted to feed my angst.
> 
> I've written two other fics involving Zayn's leave (I should've just written one big one rather than so many drabbles, wow, I'm dumb) so I definitely used a bit from _Everything's Gonna be Alright_ , just in case you lot are wondering. This fic is definitely filled with more angst than anything, so, I wouldn't recommend this if you're having a good day. 
> 
> But if you do read this, I'd love and appreciate feedback. Thanks, guys!

“Did anybody cry whilst making the songs?”

“You know what song was quiet emotional for me to-to do? The one you [Harry] wrote. I may have shed one or two tears while I was performing…”

 

**_You’d rather leave me broken_ **

**_Than whole with an empty heart_ **

**_We were better left unspoken_ **

**_Than a million miles apart_ **

****

“So, that’s it then? You’re going back home?” Louis asks.

“Zayn, c’mon, mate. Our first break is coming up in a couple of weeks, can’t you—“ Niall starts.

“No, I can’t, you guys. This is it. I’m—I can’t do this anymore." Zayn explains through frustration, "I’m fucking tired of feeling like I have to be something I’m not.” There's a break as Zayn rubs his eyes, his voice comes out softer than it had started off, “I’m tired of going out on that stage and acting like I’m happy. I’m  _not_. I’m tired of this--tired of lying. This is it for me, lads.”

Harry’s got his arms crossed across his chest as he’s staring down at his boots all whilst Louis is shaking his head, clearly out of a loss for words and Niall's biting on his nails with his own eyes downcast. 

There’s a slam of a door and it's natural that they all turn to the sound as it shuts behind the one who had startled them all.

And it wasn't difficult to figure out who it'd been.

After all, the only one gone from the room was Liam.

 

**_It’s torture here in this space between_ **

**_As you’re loving and leaving me_ **

 

“Liam,” The interviewer begins, “have you lads talked to Zayn lately?” he asks, shoving the microphone practically into Liam’s face.

“Um. No, we haven’t… He’s off doing his thing, you know, yeah. It’s cool. He’s obviously doing what he loves and he’s figuring it all out, so, I’m—we’re happy for him.” Liam says with a solemn smile, taking Niall’s reassuring shoulder grip and doing everything in his power to not cry because that ache still feels very much prominent and heavy within his chest.

There's doubt in Liam because he's not sure if that ache will ever be fixed. He just doesn’t know.

 

**_You say there’s nothing left to fight for_ **

**_Cause this feels like too much_ **

“Liam, hold up will you?” Zayn calls out, running after Liam through the long empty hallway.

It doesn't take a genious to know that Liam's heading towards the exit door, out to the back of the stadium. 

It's clearly not the smartest of ideas but Liam's not being thoughtful in that moment. 

He just needs to get  _away._

So, naturally, Liam doesn’t slow down his pace and instead only picks it up in return.

“ _Liam!”_ Zayn calls out in desperation and maybe it’s the tone that has Liam halting in his steps, unable to move any further.

He turns around and the expression on Liam’s face catches Zayn so off guard as Zayn works on closing the gap between them by feet.

There are tears falling down Liam’s face and he looks so  _devastated._

"Zayn…" Liam begins, shaking his head, "you can’t do this mate. You can’t leave us.. you can’t leave me…” Liam cuts off, tears blocking his clear vision to Zayn. He wipes away his eyes with the back of his hand, but his heart is  _breaking_ within his chest and there’s nothing that he could do to put it at ease right in this moment. “Mate, you know.. you know I’m here for you. You know we’re here for you.” He croaks, “We—you’re our brother, you’re my—“

“Liam, please stop.” Zayn breathes out, his own eyes welling with tears as he takes a step closer to Liam, cupping his face when Liam’s within reach. “I’m not leaving  _you,_  okay? I just—I can’t be here anymore. I can’t be somewhere where I feel like I’m not being taken accounted for. I’m sick of being the butt of everyone’s joke. I’m sick of the media tearing me apart. I—I know you're there for me and I love you so much for it, Liam. But you can't save me from everything. I just can’t do this anymore, Liam.”

“Zayn…” Liam manages to cry out as the tears continue on. Liam can't even find it in himself to tell Zayn that he loves him back. The world that he knew, the one with Zayn in it, is all about to change. Neither Liam nor Zayn could deny it.

Zayn is quick to pull him in, wrapping him around in his arms and Liam ducks his face into Zayn’s shoulder before the sobs soon follow.

“I’m not leaving you.” Zayn whispers quietly through a tight throat as his own tears fail to  stop. “I promise. I’m not leaving you.”

**_Your heart is too afraid to want more_ **

**_Of the pain you’re left to touch_ **

 

“I want you to know something, yeah?” Eighteen year old Zayn states as he’s giggling, reaching over and wiping the ice-cream from Liam’s face.

“Sorry.” Liam lets out embarrassed as he reaches for another napkin and wipes his mouth. “What’s that?” He questions, complete attention focused on Zayn.

“Don’t get freaked out or anything, yeah? Please don’t get freaked out.”

Liam laughs, completely confused with what Zayn’s getting at. “I won’t. I cross my heart.” He states as he marks an x over his chest.

Zayn smiles at him fondly before ducking his head, exhaling out a deep breath. “Um. Okay. Well. Like, I just—maybe it’s obvious? I don’t know. Everyone else says its obvious with how I look at you and how I am around you—I don’t even know what they  _mean_ by that, but like. You—I think I’m—“ he cuts himself off, looking up at Liam’s expectant eyes.

“You think you’re what?” Liam asks cautiously.

“I think I’m in love with you.”

Flabbergasted, it takes Liam to respond as he processes what he's just heard. “You’re—you’re what?”

“I’m," Zayn begins, before letting out a huff of air through his nose only to inhale and nod prominently, "yeah, I’m in love with you Liam.”

“I—wha— _why?”_

Zayn shrugs his shoulders. “I can’t explain it, Li. I just—I feel something with you that I don’t feel with anyone else. I can by myself around you and you never judge me and you just—you accept me. You make me feel proud of who I am.”

“You  _should_ be proud of who you are." Liam insists as he knocks shoulders with Zayn in a playful manner. "You’re pretty amazing, Zayn.” He states undoubtedly.

Zayn ducks his head, a flush of warmth coming up past his cheeks and to his ears at the compliment he definitely wasn't expecting.

That clearly only encourages Liam to go on, dropping his . “I'm serious. No matter what you do, if you’re putting your heart into it? Pfft. You’re unstoppable, Malik.”

“You think so, Lee?”

“I know so, Zee.” Liam smiles, reaching for Zayn's hand hesitantly. It's not until Zayn takes note of it and reaches for Liam's as well, that Liam dares interlace their fingers together.

The warm, clammy hand, makes Liam smile as it's pressed against his own. And Liam finds that he likes looking at the contrast between the two skin tones messing into one.

“I love you, too." Liam states, squeezing Zayn's hand in his gently before his thumb is running over the sides of Zayn's hand. "Think I always have. Since that one day in McDonalds…”

“Ugh.” Zayn groans dramatically but doesn't dare unhook his hand from Liam's, “Not that story again.” 

“Hey!” Liam giggles. “It’s a novel just waiting to write itself.”

“So, why doesn’t it?”

“It’s on a break right now.” Liam says nonchalantly.

“You’re an absolute goon, Payne.” Zayn laughs, letting go of Liam's hand only to end up on the attack of tickling Liam's side. 

“Yeah,” Liam squeals, moving away from Zayn’s touch but Zayn seems determined to make Liam pay for his awful joke. The tickling continues and Liam laughs as he ends up falling onto his back, trying to pry Zayn's hands off of him but it's futile, really, considering in a moments notice, Zayn straddles Liam's hips, hands still on a mission.

Despite the distraction, Liam still manages to speak through bouts of laughter as he catches one of Zayn's hands, interlacing them to form a distraction for Zayn. One hand fighting against his abdominal was definitely better than two. “But you’ve just told me you love me, so, really" he laughs as Zayn tries to pull his hands away from Liam but at the same time Liam lifts his knees up for Zayn to lean back against so he won't tumble over. "I’m a winner.”

"Do you feel like a winner  _now?"_ Zayn taunts as the skinny fingers of his free hands continue to prod at Liam's toned sides.

Liam lets out a laugh before he's catching that one as well, using all the power he can from allowing Zayn to break away from his hold. However, Zayn's not really trying which makes the job a lot easier for Liam. "Babe, you're straddling me right this moment. Do you realize how many times I probably envisioned this in my dreams?" Liam laughs to ease the seriousness to his voice, laughing at the groan that emits from Zayn.

"You fight dirty." Zayn responds with a glare that lasts all but less than three seconds. 

"Learned from the best." Liam grins, 

Zayn rolls his eyes, a smile on his face as he shakes his head, leaning down to rest his forehead against Liam's only to end up nuzzling his nose against Liam's. “Whatever you say,  _Leeyum.”_

Liam grins and leans forward, pressing an innocent kiss to Zayn’s cheek and letting go of Zayn's hands only so that he can cup the side of Zayn's face. “Thank you, Zayn." he states softly.

Zayn doesn't dare ruin the moment as he uses the same type of tone, soft and careful as if to not break the moment. “For what?”

Liam's thumb wipes over Zayns' cheek bone as he smiles softly, "Y'know. For being you.”  

 

**_You’ll only win, if you don’t give up_ **

 

 _In light of recent events I think this is important to say._  
For the past five years now I’ve been part of something so special I don’t think any of us really understand, something that can mean the world to people and put a smile on the face of our fans even in the darkest times. To a lot of people it’s just a bunch of silly kids in a band but to the people involved it means so much more. This last week has been some of the worst times, possibly the worst it’s something we are all deeply saddened by. It’s sad to think for the time being we won’t grace the stage as five bros or have the same fun on a tour bus or laughs in a hotel together that we have over the years but I’m super sure us and zayn will always remain the closest friends. I guess what I’m really trying to say is it’s far from over. When we very 1st became successful we all agreed that one direction had become much bigger than each individual member that’s why I feel like right now it’s ok to be sad and upset but I do ask everyone who is a fan of us to please keep ur faith in us I’m sure there’s a lot more to come all love   
Liam

“For the time being?” Niall questions, standing outside the door to Liam’s room.

Liam looks up at Niall, already having known he had planned to come over, and forces a smile while shrugging his shoulders.

Niall takes the necessary steps towards the bed, placing a knee onto the edge only to throw an arm around Liam, bringing him into a hug.

“For the time being.” Niall repeats.

 

**_Cause love is war and war is love_ **

 

_“And, uh, I’d also like to take this moment to thank four of the best guys I ever met, um, whilst being in the band and doing all the amazing things that I did.”_

Liam’s literally wearing down his bottom lip as he smiles through his speech, taking account of the very light, barely there, waver in Zayn’s voice.

_“Some of the things that we did will stay with me for the rest of my life and I thank you for that. Um, and, yeah just uh. Here’s to the future. Thank you very much for everything.”_

Liam doesn’t close the video just yet, instead watching Zayn stop for a few photographs and Liam just watches carefully at the expression placed on Zayn’s face and it doesn’t take a genius to realize why Zayn looks the way that he does.

Zayn’s happy.

Zayn’s content with the decision he’s made and maybe that’s what Liam needed to accept One Direction’s future without Zayn.

Maybe that’s what Liam needed to be okay with Zayn being gone…

When the 2015 Billboard Music Awards approach, Liam doesn’t even second guess his actions. He goes for what his heart is telling him, and in a way, he’s reaching out to Zayn.

_“There’s one more person to share this with and that’s our brother Zayn.”_

 

**_Trying to believe you’re worth it oh  
When every piece of you wants to run_ **

 

_“I don’t want you to wait for me. I’m not coming home.”_

“Whatcha reading there?” Louis asks, startling Liam and forcing him to close his Twitter application, as he strolls back into Julian’s room after returning from the loo, their current ‘studio’ with the mattresses places in a corner for recording purposes.

“Um. Nothing.” he responds quickly, immediately looking for a deflection. “Did you write anything for that song we started the other night?”

“Oh…kay.” Louis lets out suspiciously before pulling out his phone. “Uh, yeah. Wrote this bit. What do you think of it?”

‘“Down to Earth,” Liam reads aloud, “it’s like I’m frozen, but the world still turns…’ I like this, mate. ‘Stuck in motion, and the wheels keep spinning around, moving in reverse with no way out.’ That’s sick!” Liam states, giving Louis back his phone before he finds himself  thumping his pen against his notebook to a random beat.

“You think so? I was thinking of cutting out the ‘wheels keep spinning’ part and replacing it with something else…” Louis responds doubtfully.

“No, no. I like it that way, it flows, y’know? Besides, like. I wrote something last night too, like,” he says, flipping through the pages. “Now, I’m not sure if it’ll fit with those lyrics plus the ones Harry and Niall have already incorporated but, tell me what you think, yeah?” He clears his throat and nods his head, “Okay, uh… ‘ _And now I’m one step closer to being two steps far from you. When everybody wants you…’_ It’s not much but once I wrote that I couldn’t stop replaying it in my mind.” He explains before other words written by another person are replying in his mind.

_I don’t want you to wait for me._

_I’m not coming home._

“Can you guys give me a minute?” Liam suddenly asks Louis all as Julian looks up from his laptop to stare at Liam. “I need a quick smoke. Be back in a minute.”

 

**_S_ _o now that you’re caught in this space between_ **

**_And you’re the only enemy_ **

 

“Hey, Zayn..” Liam starts off hesitantly, fingers clutched around a glass, “I miss you loads, did you know that? Did you even care to know that?” There’s a burning fire within Liam as that familiar ache eats at Liam alive. How could he do this? “Did you even care to reach out to me on my birthday? No, huh? No because everything you’ve ever said was a lie, wasn’t it? All of it. Every single piece of it. You lied. You lied to me and you made me believe you.” Liam’s eyes are watering at this point and he’s so caught up in hoping, in praying, that Zayn will fucking answer because he’s tired of talking to a voicemail. 

He misses Zayn’s voice and he hates this distance. He hates it so much. He needs it gone. So it’s no surprise he doesn’t hear the knock on the door. “You were supposed to be my best mate, Zayn. You were—“ he stops, wiping at his tears. “You weren’t supposed to make me miss you this much.” He states through shaky breaths. “What did I ever do that was so bad for you to leave, huh? Was it because I stopped saying I loved you? Was that it? Because you know I never stopped. You know that Zayn.” He cries. “You promised you wouldn’t leave me. You promised.”

“Liam.” A voice startles him and Liam’s quick to look in the direction, holding onto his phone for dear life as Louis and Niall enter the room. Niall is immediately grabbing the half empty glass of vodka while Louis is working to get the phone. Liam puts a decently pathetic fight and cries for Louis to  _no, give it back!_ Before the phone was ripped from his hold and shut off.

“He should’ve been back by now.” He starts, and Louis is immediately wrapping him up in his arms. “He promised me…” he trails off and it’s not long before Niall is wrapping him up as well, the sounds of Liam’s hushed cries filling the empty-feeling room.

 

**_You say there’s nothing left to fight for_ **

**_Cause this feels like too much_ **

**_Your heart is too afraid to want more_ **

**_Of the pain you’re left to touch_ **

 

“Woooah! No, that was ruthless!” Liam exclaims as he continues avidly hitting the buttons on his controller.

“More like fucking  _cheating,”_ Niall argues.

“Hey!” Harry bellows. “It’s not my fault you two are shite at Mario Carts. Honestly, the lack of faith you lot have in me is biting you both in the arse.”

“Shut  _up!”_ Liam lets out teasingly, much to which Niall agrees.

“Um,” there’s a cough behind them. “There’s someone here for you, Li.” Its Louis voice, Liam recognizes it anywhere, but he’s too caught up in his game to really dare and turn.

“Who is it?” Liam questions Louis, letting out a distracted woot that follows as he passes Harry’s Donkey Kong cart.

 

**_You only win,_ **

 

“Liam?”

 

**_if you don’t give up_ **

 

Liam nearly gets whiplash at how fast he turns his head towards the familiar voice.

“Zayn?”

 

**_Cause love is war_ **

 

“Can we talk?”

 

**_and war is love…_ **


End file.
